How to Stop Chelsea.
Can anyone stop Chelsea from getting their hands on the Premiership trophy this season? We had a look at a few interesting and innovative ways in how to halt Jose Mourinho’s unstoppable juggernaut.
Get Eden Hazard to Break the Internet
Anything Kim Kardashian can do, so can Eden Hazard and let’s face facts; they both have the same sized arse! We think Paper Magazine should do the Premiership a favour and pay the bubble butted Belgian $43 million to bare all, thus leaving him to retire from football and stop created so many goals for Chelsea.
Call a Costa Enquiry
Diego Costa is an absolute beast of a centre forward. He’s also definitely NOT 25 years old. Just look at his face, it’s seen a thousand summers and then some. We reckon he’s at least 47 years old. It may be a bit of a long shot, but an enquiry into his actual age may unearth the truth and get him banned, thus robbing Chelsea of the best striker in the league and their end product. Remember, this is the man who chose to play for Spain over his home country of Brazil; he may be a beast but he’s also a massive fraud.
Invent a Time Machine
Yes, we understand that this is a tall order, but if we can turn back the hands of time AND the minds of the idiots in charge at Manchester United, then Jose Mourinho would have taken over from Sir Alex Ferguson and normal service at Old Trafford would have been resumed. Rumours reported that the Special One cried when he heard that he didn’t get the United job as he felt it was his destiny to follow on from Fergie. Looks who’s crying now.
So yeah, there’s basically no way on stopping Chelsea from winning the league and it’s only November. The other ‘big’ teams have been an absolute embarrassment and if they keep up their current form we could see some new teams finishing in the Champions League positions for the first time in years.
Can Southampton sneak in there? Well they have Man City, Arsenal and Man United in the next few weeks, so we’ll see if they are the real deal for the top four. There’s only a top one every season though. It’s just unfortunate we already know who that is going to be six months before the end of the season!