New Best Friend is Not ‘The Same’.

 This satirical article originally appeared on

A Sydney clubber has confessed to feeling both disillusioned and upset upon discovering that he and his new best friend were not ‘the same’.

26-year-old Ben Stacey had been enjoying the recent deep house sounds around Sydney’s exuberant club scene when he happened upon a chance meeting that he thought might change his life forever. In the midst of the AGWA Boat Party on Sydney Harbour, he stumbled upon inexperienced UK clubber Leigh Wood. After sharing a laugh and a joke over their matching Aztec print shirts and bumbags, they soon both realised something stronger was afoot than just a chemical romance. Ben said:

I felt this really strong connection with Leigh, and not just due to the MDMA cap I had consumed. It was like meeting a long lost brother, and even though I couldn’t always understand what he was saying, I thought I’d made a friend for life.

Underneath the Sydney stars the pair shared their hopes, dreams and plans for the future. They spoke of broken promises, how there were more questions than answers, and little secrets about themselves that they had never told anyone before. They were as one, and after congratulating each other on finally meeting; they made plans to go out the following night to really seal the deal on their new found friendship.

The pair left the boat party in high spirits and decided to head back to Ben’s flat to carry on the bonding session. This is where things took a turn for the worse. Ben continued:

Everything was going great until all the drugs ran out around 6am, then the mood shifted somewhat. The conversation became stilted as the sunlight began to appear through the cracks in the curtains. We even had a minor argument about who should go to the shop to buy cigarettes. I don’t even smoke. He kept talking about Jamie Jones and that ‘bear man thought he was sick’ and that he was ‘hungry for the powder’ or something. I wasn’t sure who or what a bear man was and I didn’t have any more gear to satisfy his cravings, so in my altered state I started to get ‘The Fear’. In the end I became really paranoid about how things had turned out, so I pretended to go to the toilet and actually snuck off to bed. I didn’t even have my usual post-clubbing wank in case he heard me. I just hid under the covers, hoping that he would leave without any fuss.

Ben awoke the next morning to an empty flat and a heart full of regret on what could have been. He realised that they definitely weren’t ‘the same’, and in amongst the cigarette filled beer cans and empty wraps were a few tiny fragments of Ben’s heart.

You can’t have everything in life, but I really thought Leigh was going to be a true friend till the end. I shared my soul with that guy. I guess we will always have those 24 hours together, but the fact that he stole my last lump of hash really does take the fucking biscuit.


  • Not The Same